As the spring comes, so does a new style of hair: the bowl cut! This pinnacle of a haircut comes from the action of putting a bowl on your head (preferably a soup bowl) and simply attaching it to your scalp until your hair forms into the mold of the bowl! And TADAH! You have a fresh new Bowl Cut (capatalized cause it’s AMAZING and deserves to be, despite AP style regulations). 

But where did this hairstyle come from? Well, some people speculate that a chef named Bull Larpington invented this after accidentally stitching a soup bowl on his head and not getting medical attention until the hairstyle was, in fact, in the perfect mold. The doctors then took a picture of this and decided it was so inspirational that they should send it to everyone in their contacts, which is us. 

But what does the public think about this? Well, EVERYONE LOVES IT! There is absolutely ZERO hate towards the Bowl Cut. In fact, it’s now the National Haircut of a new country, and the public is currently in the process of expanding, which is called “Bowlers”. (And bowling is not popular in this country. It is actually banned for using the word “bowl.”) 

This new country is rapidly expanding, becoming the most wealthy, populated and happy country in the world. In fact, a survey conducted by me, a fellow resident of Bowlers, shows that the depression level is ZERO. The second people walk into the soil of Bowlers, any worry they have simply vanishes into nothingness. 

The only thing is that you NEVER leave the Bowl territory, or else you will be cursed by our great leader Bull Larpington. But why would you ever wanna leave? We are promised amazing, long-lasting, healthy hair in a country where everyone can live in harmony under our leader. Eventually, the world will be once more united once we take over the population of Europe, Asia and Antarctica, which is our main goal as of now.

Apart from the Great Bowl Cut, another group of people who are attempting to revert the times to the evil and wicked ways they were by rejecting the new hairstyle, are trying to go with the option of Afros. This vile act takes away the attention of the Bowl Cut and instead focuses on a worldly hairstyle that brings neither happiness nor prosperity in a rebellion against the leader who wishes to help everyone achieve his goal of unity. What was once an accidental haircut will soon lead to world peace under Bull Larpington.