In late October of last year, British Vogue released an article titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” by columnist Chante Joseph. This clickbait-y thinkpiece spiked discussion all over social media, questioning whether Vogue should have a say in whether it is, or is not, embarrassing for straight women to have a boyfriend.
Joseph’s article explores modern dating culture, including social media trends and how “boyfriend embarrassment” has made young women more self-conscious about sharing their relationship status publicly online. Joseph writes, “To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish.” She argues that often women are pressured to seem independent and unbothered, and that because of social media norms, it is “embarrassing” to be in a romantic relationship.
“Having a boyfriend is sometimes embarrassing, Samantha Angeles (11) said. “Well, at least my last one was.”
Many women online responded in favor of Joseph’s column, stating they feel judged for posting photos of and/or anecdotes about their boyfriends too much. Nobody wants to be known as the girl whose life only revolves around her partner’s life, after all. And oversharing to the point where people start to question their relationship based on others’ reactions (or lack thereof) is definitely a danger in the age of Instagram and TikTok. So yes, some women feel trapped between enjoying and putting their relationship on display vs. guilt-ridden thoughts of how others will perceive, and perhaps judge, their romantic partner.
To avoid obsessive-looking, boyfriend-centric posts, some women have gone so far as to create new terms to use on social media. The term “soft launch” originated on TikTok, meaning posting a small hint of someone special through social media. This could be something small, like the back of their head, the nice date you went on, or something bolder like holding hands. Soft launching often happens nowadays on an Instagram story that will disappear after 24 hours, to which they get the perks of sharing the photo without officially posting a lasting image to their grid. This has, for better or worse, simply become the new norm among Gen Z.
“It depends on the guy,” Kylie Salinas (11) said, referring to the titular question posed by Joseph in her article. “If you guys are in a good, healthy relationship, you shouldn’t be embarrassed.”
The debate whether it’s embarrassing to have a boyfriend is still on the table for straight women, but truly, loving someone should never be embarrassing. Yes, some might think it is, but you cannot be ashamed of who you love. Love should be stronger than any sort of potential embarrassment—and with the right blend of communication and empathy, it can literally be essential to one’s well-being, as evidenced in a study by Harvard.
Men, on the other hand, have been infuriated over what Joseph wrote for Vogue. Whether it’s an attack on a man’s likability and therefore self-esteem, or a blanket claim about men’s sociological tendency to bury their insecurities, a plethora of embarrassing boyfriends in no way justifies a generalization about all boyfriends.
“It’s not okay to say having a boyfriend is embarrassing,” Diego Ortiz (11) said. “Women should never be ashamed of having a boyfriend or wanting a relationship.”
Ultimately, perhaps the worst sin of Joseph’s piece, other than the inherently heteronormative viewpoint and the brazen attack on men and women alike, is that most people in the honeymoon phase of romance are already inundated with social norms, peer pressure and self-doubt. Especially for young people, why add more fuel to the fire? Just for some clicks?
